Right now I feel like it’s Thursday. Wanna know why? Cause last Thursday (this won’t always be the case) I had class from 9:25-5:00 without any breaks. Thursdays are synonymous with exhaustion. But today is Wednesday. And I only had class for 3 hours, with breaks between them. I had lunch with my boyfriend. I made supper and then I went to two meetings/socialized. I should not be this tired.
I also feel emotionally drained. I am reading “Uncommon Decency; Christian Civility in an Uncivil World” and it’s very thought-provoking…too though-provoking, actually. I need alone time badly. I need time away from my roommates and other people (including myself) who are, let’s face it, quite uncivil.
I feel unworthy. I had a meeting that I just got back from that was for people who were chosen to be “Defender Ambassadors” to visiting students. Someone saw leadership skills and a joy for life in me that they think would be good for prospective students to see. I thought I was “in”…until I got there and they said they needed fifteen people…and there were about 60 of us. 59 of the others all knew each other and the people that will be going over our applications. The people in charge already know they are friendly, outgoing, responsible, people. I only know one of them…and that’s because I had a meeting with her when I had problems last year (let’s just say I had been emotionally drained for about a month before I saw her…not exactly a good impression).
But enough with feelings. It is times like these when I am glad that I know in my head that God knit my in my mother’s womb and made me fearfully and wonderfully. Even when I feel not good enough, I know that God has laid His hand on me. He knows my anxious thoughts. Tonight is a Psalm 139 sort of evening. And when I wake up tomorrow it will still be a Psalm 139 sort of day because the Bible does not change and God will never leave me or forsake me. It is a truth that I am extremely grateful for…when I’m drained, when I’m ecstatic and when I’m just plain blah.